Bitter [苦、无奈]

it’s on a night like this that thoughts couldn’t be clearer. it’s on a night like this where there ain’t any other distractions of the night. the rain has drowned out the croaks of the toads, the cries of the lizards and other insects in the vicinity. and what all we can hear is the sound of the rain, like a battering ram hitting on the grounds

strange. the splattering calms the nerves, just like what the waves from the coast and beaches does. the calm repetitive motion and sound that seems safe and clear.

somethings in life, we are used to the policy ‘blood for blood’, ‘an eye for an eye’, ‘a taste of your own medicine’, ‘do not, what you want others to do not on you’. till the extend that its a habit. so flawlessly integrated into our system that its an auto defense mechanism system.

these day, everyone his highness meet simply enjoys revolving about the topic of getting a ‘legal wheels’ and the big C. seemingly that the big C forms the aspect of all life and social. where the big C makes the world go round. as if without a big C, a man is a lesser. a lesser than beta creature.

while being alpha is a not too important task for his not so mightiness, being beta is fine. after, a beta takes things the easier way out where alpha has to fight their way to retain their alpha status. a beta with a supporting round is fine. all alphas need betas’ aid for their knightship.

perhaps his highness enjoys being beta too much.

erm… why is the topic branching off to betas… out of the point again.


back to the big C. if only everyone would shut their big thoughts on a big C topic. life will just on fine. there’s already pretty much chaos and complex sense on that. theres prob no need to rub it in.

then again, when even the royal family rubs that in with EVERY single association. it is a pain in e arse. and his highness kept his silence. still, they go on, session after session of counsel meeting.



the big C is already an issue. period


recent, his highness was talking to pokemon. pokemon sweet as usual. we talk about some past. it was great mind sharing.

and well, she’s astonished that his highness been a B.A all the while. she says his highness a GEM.

GEM GEM GEM, was all she said.

and surprising, his royalness reply with something truthful. afterall, she has shared something that was of real importance from her past. its only fair that he give some truth, aside from the usual crap he gives others.

same question. yet different answers for different people of different degrees of worthiness

he replied pokemon, “w no C, no M n no L… of course……….”. in reality, he meant ‘w no C, no M n no L… of course i’m a B.A in e social’.

simple logic. still, pokemon’s a treasure with her replies of “pure”, “goodness”, GEM. a good girl, she’s now. greatness. and its a royal blessing to know someone worthy =)

to top it off (or down), with some counsel sessions who been rubbing on the C issue. its a blessing.


and so, when anyones decides to talk about a C, he simply keeps mum and tune off. sulkin, he hope they get the point and stfu.

they never did.

thats why humans are disappointing.

and felines are so much better. afterall, they dun talk. they either purr or scratch.


and so, just the other time. he stop being beta and went alpha. to give those C topics chatters a taste of their vulnerability. just one dose, and they weren’t too happy about it.

if there is a need to be alpha, the beta will go alpha on blood for blood. otherwise, they prefer to be beta, and let the wanna alphas roam.

let him be. a beta.


for a certain sore reason, parties are a bore. parties in the rawest form back in grade schools were like… singulars…

parties that go on now, are all about booze and… purals… and that is annoyin. the singulars are, as usual out of place. period


for though he knows reality, he chose the path of delusion that has no markup…


and he happen to meet up with dingdong and joy

and he meet up with claire

and he happen to meet up with xiandi

and he meet up with crystal and rachel

and he meet up with tai2

and he happen to meet up with p0hp0h

meeting up with 8 lovely individuals. yet he was not happy.

it’s a great joy to bump into and to meet up with fun people whom we happen not to see for some time. yet, from the various meetups, he learnt more facts or whatever news he is not exactly please to learn. just not up the mark

for starters, he woke up from a thiny wheeny dream. and it was a hard hit. and he starts to hate two words used in descriptions. perhaps it’s fine when those wordings are used to describe him.  but…. nah… use the similar wordings on another individual, he gets annoyed rapidly. how sad. comparing kind of suck big time. huge. major.

for seconds, he learnt that the secret convent thing’s FULL. sad but true. guess it’s pretty much too bad.  the setback is big. then again… it doesn’t matter. guess animals are much better than moon? well… too bad… just not up the mark

and so, he has woken up…. and he just doesn’t meet the mark. just doesn’t meet the mark at all.

how sickeningly sweet…


on the brighter side, there are some cool things… barely meeting the mark

1. finally grabbing a chance to watch buffy the vampire slayer season 1-7… yeah… he knows it’s an ancient show, and he’s way behind time. then again…. lifes’ pretty much a hellmouth anyway…

2. project works starts getting concrete…

3. aside from catching up and meeting with the old ppl, the new memories and bonding with new ppl’s equally’s fun.

4. project mates are interesting people, with a good healthy mix. –> really? nah… everyone’s unhealthy.. =)

5. there’s this really really cute cat down at the block

6. mumu finally graduated…. yes… she FINALLY graduated.

7. catchup with jas and juudee… (Oi… our friday… you ZONG YOU QING SE.. !@#$%^&*()

8. peelings of the body is long over for most ppl… (and of course… claire’s finally starting to peel on her thighs…)

9. caught up with hiang morris sama…

10.  FINALLY know who someone is… as in clearing the doubt to the phantom person who resembles someone… wow… so he does know her… haha. to think he mistook her for another one. well, cool project matey


tai2 mentioned that he projects a higher than average self confident level. he thinks perhaps. and wonders, ponders and doubts. maybe.

will there be someone who thinks otherwise? then that person probably knows him best.

then again, he doesn’t know about himself too… could others knows?

tai2 mentioned again that… to love oneself, blah blah… then only can oneself learn to love others. he thinks he has learn to love oneself, yet he does not love himself… (well.. he does’t hate himself…. =D )

mumu mentioned that in the game of life, it’s one philosophy in life that channels them energy… he thinks it’s true. but his way of life is just evil.

then again, evil is pure. or so he decrees.

and the bus stop was once packed with people. or rather, packed with royalty.

one bus came. some one board.

another bus came. another board.

and another, and another, and another came.

pretty soon, there was no one left at the bus stop. aside from his royal highness, there was simply no one else.

and no more buses came.

he weeped.

郑源 – [爱过的人] – 难道爱一个人有错吗

Zheng Yuan – [Ai Guo De Ren] – Nan Dao Ai Yi Ge Ren You Cuo Ma




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tuesday’s boring. to be exact, the tuesdays that had been occurring since the start of the term has been downright boring. and it’s a capital ‘b’ for boring (do take note, his royal highness [that’s me] simply hate typing in caps) yes. b-o-r-i-n-g.

did we mentioned the fact that it was also pretty much NOT constructive? and this time around, it’s with capital ‘c’.

in addition, the letter ‘c’ also happens to stand for ‘cui‘. that actually means ‘cannot make it’ in singlish terms.


and let’s review what’s so crap with tuesday.

we have from:-

1000 – 1200 : effectively 30 minutes
a 5-min current events quiz for one of the writing modules. handing up and collecting back some of the writings we do for class. that will effectively take us to 30 minutes. after which, it’s just playing flash games and endless gossiping in lab.

1200 – 1400 : effectively 30 minutes
we wait for the lectures to start. it goes on for 30 minutes. nothing much that can be learn. rather, there’s a webcast that can be viewed at our own leisure. the lectures stuff just come from the notes we have. nothing special at all. boring. half the time, people are either surfing the web or simply sleeping.

and when it ends at 1230, most of us spend time talking from 1230 – 1300 hrs, and proceed to roll in some god-forsaken place in school.

1400 – 1600 : effectively SLEEPING time
it’s  just rotting. period

1600 – 1800 : effectively NOTHING
we listen to a lecture that will NOT be tested. yeah. well down.  hearing what is on the lectures slides with exact duplication aren’t exactly. especially when nothing is tested. what’s tested = translation skills, and not theories.

the world gossips, snores as the poor lecturer goes on ranting….


we have only the 5 minutes test that really requires our physical presence. rest of the day for tuesday, it’s  ZZZZZZ

just for lucks : an occasionally burst of luck, and we’ll bump into interesting people. that’s the only bonus.

tuesday really is blue

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