Confused [迷茫]

most of them say it can’t be done. it’s even in the articles, in established magazines, and readings. it just can’t be done. nothin is that innocent in nature. as least, in that matter.

still, he thought he could actually be the better or it. at least, there had been some examples from real life that did work out.

how naive.

already, he is losing his fight to hold still. stuffs that are innocent in nature do not happen in real life. pretty much, sooner or later, we will succumb to the devil’s callin. hang on, ain’t the devil’s his friend? perhaps…

then again, he wonders how much longer could he hold it inside, aside from his frontals of masking it. hmmm… if, if the cat is out of the bag… how disastrous would it be? hell is threatening to break loose.

so, what next. what next is there for this tormented soul?

“the light at the end of the tunnel, is really a train coming towards you.” in the end, this philosophy stands.


and so, he login to livejournal to discover he has ONE friend. period.

guess one is fine. lifejournal’s something complex to use. if only all good blog entries are like blogger, or wordpress. then again, he will prob spend some time to actually do a livejournal entry that actually redirects traffic to this wordpress spot!

all hail mighty wordpress.


and it’s another bo liao day in sch. nothing worth mentioning except for the freezing cold in the new project meeting spot. on one side, we have the cool team.. keeping chill.. and we have team fire.. blazing hot…

team blazing hot construction workers finally gave up and team chill got back the new project meeting spot.


and it’s the usually boring tutorial at 5, where we don’t learn anything decent. other than stuff we already know since from god knows when. still, there were some excited few (they actually refers to the tutors and lecturers…). and of course, 1 of the 2 presentation was actually interesting.

interesting in what sense? =D…. the usual =)


strangely, his visions are getting eerie. and this time, it involved chocolates, bamboo, and some strange girl with really big almond eyes. chocolates asked his highness a question that was directly related to him, and probably indirectly related to bamboo goddess.

his highness answered with great grieve and depression.

and chocolates, also know as the royal protector said. it might very well be not what his highness thinks… and she went on to say bamboo thinks differently… etc etc…

and then, the DAMM hp rang. SMS from the royal advisor.



speaking about dreamins, or rather visions. one of them ran particularly true after it took place like 10-15 odd years ago?

he has finally meet up with the 2 that he had dreamt of 10-15 years back. funny. weird thing was.. at the time, his highness was still a kid. and he dream of the 2 who were FULL growth. and the next thing he knews, he meet them BOTH in this coming semester. now, how strange can it be.

so, will the dream that he dreamt of involving mysterious chocolates, bamboos stay true? or will it come true?

or will the alternative vision of the honest n kind A fulfill?

visions.. they stink

and timing is no longer on his side. already, he’s starting to crumble…

the advisor asked his royal highness a question. if he were to chose from a pool of letters. what would the letter be?

the condition, regardless of the situation, period or time frame. regardless of the state of mind. regardless of the mood and temper he is in.

and he froze.

and he gave a lame answer.

simply because there are too many factors to consider. he knew none of letters decently well enough. he eyes after some letters for some time. some letters are fun, some letters are joy. some letters are goddess. some letters are so honest (that’s a really good trend, or a horribly bad one)

then again, we must really consider the stability of the letters. mind you, letters could in all forms. for example “A” would seem to poke out more than the rest. ‘O’ would probably speak in round terms. hmm.. you get the point.

in addition, letters do have a brain of their own.

considerate such factors, and you know why his royal highness is having a royal pain answering that question.


for the sake of all lives. his royalness ponders in silence…

now, if only it’s like MCQs when the answers don’t think =X

[edit] – blah honest letters rock. and his highness choses the honest letter

发现。。。 自己是wenjing,不是wenzhong。



and then, one full week passed. rather, 5 days passed. still that piece of advice continued to ring true in his head.

just last night, he had another little dream. it was updated with new contents, and furnished with a new layout. it seem so real when he recollected it. so real.

and when he checked just now, nothing much changed. yet, it felt real.

perhaps he had ponder too much on letter. the rational mind goes screaming, “this must stop!” the irrational goes, “we too, must live an impossible dream to remain sane.”

ah… the piece of advice. it was a remainder really. still, he couldn’t act on it. it was too scary. too risky. the move was simply dangerous. the balance could tilt….

and then, he realized he was weak. so weak in this aspect. he who can take on the ahbengs, ahsengs, handle his own with small time hooligans. and he couldn’t take this on.

when the advice came. he worried. is someone after letters? who is son? any new developments? what if? and more what ifs…

argh… and he continue on his path to insane.


eves are cool. the boys are cool. adams suck in general.


last time he checked, the saying goes like this, “guys who went through army are men. those who had not been through it will stay on as boys.”

possible true. did some events and meet up with a lot of boys. the feel they give was ‘boys.’ the younger chaps simply think acting like small time hooligans makes them feel big. or spewing hokkien chain of !@#$ words makes this superior. until they meet with someone who ‘kick’ them off using !$!$ words.

he really hates it when those little boys attempted to roughen things on girls. an gaming event took place this sat. our ladies were being nice by reminding them the time was up and gently invited to move on to the next station. but, the small time hooligans refused to live. giving the lame-0-meter excuses and rising the gayish voices. he really hates such. if only they could stop such nonsense.

and when he went over and firmly invited them to leave did they stop their little nonsense.



and it’s 0850hrs… time to leave for work and ponder of the piece of advice. and to conquer his fear.


guys should always ____ the first _________________.

and this is scary.

had another dream. and it’s a nightmare? rather, it’s sweet. yes, in a way, it’s sweet. now, people who know will know what ‘sweet’ and ‘interesting’ means =)

it was at a party. with random people. party not in a club or pub. but it was a party in this white room. other than that room, there were a few doors. one of them happen to be the laundry room. it’s the type you see in the states.

and it’s those nice little spaces where you always get to see drunk ppl making up within.

well, in the dream, his royal highness wasn’t exactly drunk. he was inside the laundry room with some unknown female. well… possible planning to do the ………… (well.. his highness not a holy saint =X, still such a dream is unforgivable =X)

there was this small window at the laundry room. the someone (who it was) was going to cover the window before any activity happen. someone happen to look into the room at the exactly same moment.

everyone got shocked (everyone = royal highness, the dunno who someone & the ‘looker’ ) the looker was ‘goddess’

damm! a sense of guilt came over. ‘goddess’ was really angry. she shouted something. it’s probaberly highness’ name. highness fled out to apologize.

‘goddess’ was now where to be seen.

and his highness wept.



why did his royal highness dreamt of ‘goddess’? when he see no light =(

but it’s a good fact that ‘goddess’ was really angry. but for that, his highness is pleased.

will his royalness ascend to god-dom with ‘goddness’?

still, ‘goddess’ look as goddess as ever. with her =) =) smile and her =) =) grinz is beautiful even when she’s annoyed.


now, who is goddess? make a guess



it was logged twice. could it be? could it not?

it couldn’t be.


afterall, it’s a complex h-h thingy. Or is it?

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